John Michael Allan

You must be married to a Filipina if...

2008-03-03T00:27:00.001+08:00

(Written by an American guy who loves his Filipina wife despite "irregularities")

Your refrigerator is always full but you cannot find any food that you recognize.
Most of the decorations in your house are made of wicker.
You are expected to be able to read her mind just by watching her eyebrows move up and down and which way her lips are pointed.
The instant you are married you have 3000 new close relatives that you can't tell apart.
All the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty.
Even the ketchup [catsup (Jufran) ] tastes weird.
You throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin off a dead pig.
Your in-laws take 10 years to acknowledge your existence and to call you by something other than "that white guy."
Your first Christmas present is some funny-looking, baggy see-through shirt made out of leftover lace doilies.
Your phone bills are all international and average 3 hours per call.
The rice cooker is on 24/7 and uses up 50% of your electric and food budget.
On your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes that weigh 1000 pounds each and your "carry-on" luggage requires a small forklift truck.
All your postage bills instantly double.
Her favorite sauce is called patis. Americans call it turpentine.
You were married five years before she explained to you that "Aray" doesn't mean "Ooh, baby!"
Her homeland has more megamalls than islands.
Your kitchen table has a merry-go-round in the middle.
Her friends are named Chinky, Baby, Boy, and Bimbo and you're not allowed to smirk.
All your place settings are backwards and there are no spoons.
She's done her best job planning a surprise party for you if she manages not to tell you about it until a week or two before.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: You are pretty proud of yourself because you think you snagged up for yourself some unique, rare, tropical goddess until you go to the Philippines and can't tell her apart from anyone else in the whole country (unless she's taller than 5'1". Then it's a bit easier).

Top Reasons Why There Isn't A Filipino-American President

2008-03-03T00:26:00.000+08:00

The White House is not big enough for in-laws.
Filipinos in America prefer engineering, computer science, nursing and accounting over politics.
Not enough parking at the White House to park the 2 Honda Civics, the Toyota Celica, the 1985 Diesel Mercedes-Benz, BMW (Big Mean Wife) and the MPV (My Pinoy Van).
Can't find decent chicken adobo in D.C.
Secret Service could never handle a nagging mother.
Dignitaries are generally intimidated by eating with fingers at State Dinners.
No chance for promotion.
Lactose intolerance is not considered politically correct.
Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in.
Too many windows on White House to put metal bars.
Not allowed to install whistle-beep on presidential limo when put in reverse gear.
Too many dining rooms in the White House; where will they put the picture of The Last Supper?
Too much confusion over the definition of D.C., District of Columbia or Daly City (in CA - where majority of population are Filipinos)?
White House walls not big enough to hold giant wooden fork and spoon.
FAA won't allow rainbow tape on Air Force One dashboard.
Secret Service staff won't respond to "pssssst, pssssst."
Secret Service staff uncomfortable driving presidential car with rosary hanging on rear view mirror and St. Jude or Santo Nino statuette on dashboard.
No more WWII jeeps available for restoration as presidential jeepneys.
No money allocated in budget to purchase laserdisc karaoke sing-along machines for every room in the White House.
State Dinners do not allow leftover food as "To Go".
Air Force One does not allow any Balikbayan boxes on board

You know You're At A Filipino Birthday Party When:

2008-03-03T00:24:00.001+08:00

Some of the guests didn't bring a gift, but brought extra-uninvited kids.
When the cake says Happy Birthday Totoy instead of the child's real name.
The party is at Chuck E. Cheese but they brought their own food and cake.
It's a child's party but there are more grown-ups than children.
It's Totoy's 1st Birthday and the party food is pansit, lumpia,puto, and 10 cases of beer.
For entertainment, instead of playing pin the tail on the donkey, there is usually a televised baseball, football game, or a live fight.
They don't sing Happy Birthday; instead everyone is playing mahjong.
The party was over at 5:00, it’s 10:00 and the party is just starting.
You find out from Tito Boy that Uncle Nonong is taking viagra.
The host calls someone who’s on their way and tells them to stop and get some ice.
The guests start arriving and the hostess disappears to get ready.
You hear someone go up to the birthday child and say "Totoy, ang laki mo! I'm going to have to get you something next week when I get paid."
The party is Saturday, and you get a call from the hostess Friday night saying, I’m giving Totoy a birthday party tomorrow at 3:00.
Some guests bring gifts that are still in the store bag unwrapped.
There always seems to be more family than friends at the party.
You have the party over at your brothers because he just bought a new house and he has a pool.
The cake didn't come from the store; it came from the mother of the comadre of your friend’s sister who makes really good cakes.
You are told you have to save your plate and fork you ate your food with, so you can eat your cake.
Someone calls and says they can't make it, but asks that you save them some cake.
Guests are wrapping up cake to take to Tatay, Chading, Girlie, Tita, and Neneng.
The party music is coming from a small boom box.
The birthday child is dressed from head to toe in Tommy/Polo.

23. It’s Totoy's party but since his cousin Jinky is there and her birthday is in a few days,
it becomes Totoy's and Jinky's Party.

TOP 15 FOUNTAINS...

2008-02-06T04:48:00.001+08:00

15. ABU DHABI

14. LAS VEGAS

13. MIRAGE, LAS VEGAS

12. DUBAI

11. DUBAI

10. MOSCOW

9. MOSCOW

8. MOSCOW

7. KIEV

6. SAINT PETERSBURG

5. SAINT PETERSBURG

4. GENEVA

3. BARCELONA

2. TIVOLI

AND TAKING THE # 1 SPOT...

PHILIPPINES

HOW GOOD IS YOUR EYESIGHT???

2008-02-06T04:44:00.001+08:00

CELLPHONE vs. BIBLE

2008-02-06T04:32:00.000+08:00

Please Read This is True!!!!

CELLPHONE laging hawak at ipinapakita...

BIBLE laging nakatago at ayaw ipakita...

CELLPHONE binibili kahit libo-libong halaga...

BIBLE ayaw bilhin kahit isang daan halaga....

CELLPHONE laging binabasa kung may message...

BIBLE hindi binabasa kaya hindi makita ang message...

CELLPHONE ayaw magasgasan...

BIBLE ok lng kahit maalikabukan...

CELLPHONE mahirap ipahiram baka masira...

BIBLE madaling ipahiram kahit mawala...

CELLPHONE nauubusan ng message...

BIBLE laging full of message...

CELLPHONE ay mahalagang gamit...

BIBLE mas mahalaga kung gagamitin...

SHARE MO SA MGA FRIENDS MO O IPAGWALANG BAHALA MO LANG

NASA SA IYO NA YUN....

ROSES FOR YOU!

2008-02-01T10:11:00.001+08:00

One Rose for Unconditional Love

One Rose For Financial Wealth

One for Everlasting Happiness

One for Success

One for Knowledge

One for Beauty, inner and outer

One for Family

One for Honesty

And the last one for a long and healthy life

LINCOLN - KENNEDY

2008-02-01T09:35:00.001+08:00

Havent checked all the facts

HISTORY LESSON

Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.

John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

NOW IT GETS REALLY WEIRD.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln w as shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Creepy huh? Tell this to as many people as you can, cause: Hey, this is one history lesson people don't mind reading

CUTE FRUITS

2008-02-01T09:20:00.001+08:00

A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,and Z

2008-02-01T09:09:00.000+08:00

THIS IS ONE OF THE NICEST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL USES OF THE ALPHABET THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT AS MUCH AS I DID. HAVE A GOOD DAY!

A-lthough things are not perfect

B-ecause of trials or pain

C-ontinue in thanksgiving

D-o not begin to blame

E-ven when the times are hard

F-ierce winds are bound to blow

G-od is forever able

H-old on to what you know

I-magine life without His love

J-oy would cease to be

K-eep thanking Him for all the things

L-ove imparts to thee

M-ove out of "Camp Complaining"

N-o weapon that is known

O-n earth can yield the power

P-raise can do alone

Q-uit looking at the future

R-edeem the time at hand

S-tart every day with worship

T-o "thank" is a command

U-ntil we see Him coming

V-ictorious in the sky

W-e'll run the race with gratitude

X-alting God most high

Y-es, there'll be good times & yes some will be bad, but...

Z-ion waits in glory...where no one is ever sad!

"I AM Too blessed to be stressed!" The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything. Love and peace be with you forever, Amen."

LAST WARning!!!

2008-01-31T17:08:00.000+08:00

Let this be a warning to everyone....

My friend was going home - laguna to manila and was traversing a stretch of road na madilim, then it happened, tumirik bigla yung kotse for no apparent reason.

He checked the gas gauge, half filled naman, no other engine malfunction sa gauges. basta the car just "died".

Nearby was this acacia tree so he decided na magjingle muna, then he heard a, "psssttt, halika dito".

There he saw this very old man.

Medyo natakot and nagulat siya, kasi nanlilisik yung mga mata, mahaba ang buhok, mukhang ermitanyo.

Tinawag siya and he saw the old man was carrying a book.

At first he was hesitant, pero there was this force urging him to come over.

When he came over, the old man handed him thebook, para lang siyang pocket book, but colored black.

The old man then told him that he has topay for it, 700 pesos daw.

Thinking that he still needs money to have his car fixed, siyempre ayaw niyang tanggapin yung book.

Pero nanlisik laloyung mata nung matanda at pinipilit siyang bayaran yung book.

Dahil sa takot, binayaran din niya yung libro.

After paying for it, sabi sa kanya na huwag na huwag niyang titingnan yung last page ng libro, or else he will regret it.

He wanted to ask for directions, but the old man started walking towards the darker part of the fields, and biglang nawala.

Luckily may bus na dumaan and he asked to be brought down sa bayan.

There he looked for a place to spend the night, para balikan na lang yung car niya the next day.

In his room, he couldn't sleep, and remembered the book he bought for 700 pesos, kaya kinuha niya ito and read it.

It was about the supernatural and engkantos.

He has read a chapter na rin and was feeling sleepy, so tinabi niya sa side table.

Then he remembered yung sinabi nung matanda about the last page.

He was undecided atthe same time natatakot dun sa warning nung matanda about opening to the last page.

So he gathered enough courage to open it to the last page, opened his eyes and got the shock of his life..........................

National Book Store...

P49.75

TRY THIS ONE!!!!!

2008-01-31T16:15:00.000+08:00

TRY THIS ONE! YOU WILL SEE HIM!!!

This is without a doubt one of the coolest PC illusion, I have ever seen so far.

Follow the instruction:

1. Relax and concentrateon the 4 small dots in the middle of the picture about 30 - 40 seconds.

2. Then, take a look at a wall near you (any smooth, sinle colored surface).

3. You will see a circle of light developing.

4. Start blinking your eyes a couple of times and you will see a figure emerging....

5. What do you see? Moreover, who do you see??

COOL HAND PAINTINGS

2008-01-31T16:08:00.000+08:00

ELEPHANT

ELEPHANT 2

GIRAFFEE

EAGLE

PANTHER

DOG

EAGLE 2

ZEBRA

PRAYING ROCK

2008-01-31T15:55:00.000+08:00

kita nyo ba???

PISO PISO

2008-01-31T15:38:00.000+08:00

Saan nga ba napunta ang piso???

Sagutin nyo nga... nagma-migraine na ako sa kakaisip!... hehehe

O, tingnan ko nga kung kaya n'yo 'to... Huwag n'yo lang dibdibin masyado ha... piso pa lang 'yan...

Tapos balik na agad sa trabaho ha... he he he

May natagpuan kang T-shirt sa Department store, ito ay nagkakahalagang Php 97.00. Wala kang Pera, humiram ka sa nanay mo ng Php 50.00 at sa tatay mo ng Php 50.00. Magkano na pera mo?

(ans: Php 100.00)

Binili mo ang T-Shirt. Magkano sukli mo?

(ans: Php 3.00)

Binalik mo yung piso sa nanay mo, magkano na lang ang utang mo sa nanay mo?

(ans: Php 49.00)

Binalik mo yung isa pang piso sa tatay mo, magkano na lang utang mo sa tatay mo?

(ans: Php 49.00)

Yung isang piso na sa iyo. Eto na ang pang-gulo... 49 + 49 ?

(ans: 98)

+ piso na nasa iyo?

(ans: 99)

Nasaan na yung Piso?

Eto naman ang isang kalkulasyon:

49 Php ang utang mo kay nanay plus yung ibinayad mong piso equals to 50;

49 Php ang utang mo kay tatay plus yung ibinayad mong piso equals to 50.

50 + 50 ?

(ans: 100)

plus yung piso na nasa iyo

(ans: 101)

Bakit sobra ng piso?

Tumubo pa ng piso!

Huwag n'yo akong tanungin dito dahil ni-forward lang sa akin ito!

Anong Nangyayari sa Langit?

2008-01-29T13:07:00.000+08:00

Isang bagong saltang kaluluwa ang umakyat sa langit ang ngayon ay nakaharapkay San Pedro. Namasyal silang dalawa sa langit. Magkahawak kamay silangnaglakad lakad sa isang malaking silid doon na puno ng mga anghel.Huminto si San Pedro sa harap ng isang lupon ng mga anghel at nagsalita,
"Ito ang silid tanggapan.Sa silid na ito, tinatanggap lahat ng mga kahilingan sa panalangin."Pinagmasdan ito ng kaluluwa, at nakita nitong abala ang lahat sa paguugnayugnay ng mga kahilingan na nakasulat sa buntong mga papel na galing sa buongmundo.

Nagpatuloy silang maglakad hanggan sa madaanan nila ang pangalawang lupon ngmga anghel.Ang wika ni San Pedro sa kaluluwa, " Ito naman ang 'Packaging at DeliverySection'.Dito, ang biyaya at mga pagpapala na hiniling ng mga tao aybinabalot at dinideliver sa mga buhay na tao na humingi noon"Nakitang muli ng kaluluwa kung gaano ito kabala. Maraming anghel doon angtalagang subsob sa trabaho, sa dami ng mga pagpapalang hiniling, atdinideliver araw-araw sa lupa.

Hanggang sa dumako sila sa huling lupon, sa pinakamalayong lupon, humintoang anghel doon sa isang maliit na lupon.Sa kanyang pagkamangha, iisang anghel lamang ang nakaupo doon,walang ginagawa, " Ito ang 'Acknowledgement Section'", ang sabi ni SanPedro."Bakit tahimik, wala ba silang ginagawa dito?""Nakakalungkot", ang sagot ni San Pedro,"Pagkatapos makatanggap ng sagot sakanilang mga panalangin ang mga tao,kakaunti ang nagbibigay ng pasasalamat"

"Papaano ba magbibigay ng 'acknoweldgement' ang mga tao sa Diyos?", "Simplelang, sabihin mo lang na "Salamat po Panginoon'".

"Ano bang pagpapala ang dapat nilang ipagpasalamat?"

"Kung may pagkain ka sa iyong hapag kainan, damit na sinusuot, may bahay natinutuluyan at kamang tutulugan....ikaw ay mas mayaman ng 75% sa mundong ito."

"Kung may salapi kang naiipon, sa iyong pitaka, at may natitira pangpambili ng pagkain....ikaw ay isa sa 8% na may mga kabuhayan sa mundo."

"At kapag nakuha mo ang mensaheng ito sa iyong 'computer', bahagi ka ng 1%sa mundong ito na may ganyang oportunidad"At.... "Kapag gumising ka sa umagang ito na walang sakit....mas pinagpala kasa milyong tao sa mundong ito na hindi na makagisingdahil sa hirap ng buhay"

Kung di mo nararanasan ang takot sa gitna ng giyera, ang kalungkutan saloob ng piitan, ang pasakit ng mga pagsubok,at ang pangil ng pagkagutom..... may malayo ka ng milya milya sa 700 milyongtao na nabubuhay sa mundo"

"Kung nakakadalo ka ng mga gawain sa iglesiya nang walang takot ng pagkahulio pagbabawal, ng 'persecution',kamatayan dahil sa mga naiinggit, ikaw ay mas pinagpala kaysa sa 3 bilyongmga katao sa buong mundo.

"Kung buhay pa ang iyong mga magulang at nananatiling magkasama sa bisa ngkasal...kakaunti lang kayo"

"Kung naititingala mo pa ang iyong ulo ng may ngiti sa iyong mga labi, hindika kasama sa karamihan, naiiba ka kaysa sa kanila na puno ng kapighatian atmga kagulumihanan.

"Kung ganuon...papaano ako magsisimulang magpasalamat?", ang tanong ngkaluluwa.

"Kung nababasa mo ang mensaheng ito, nakatanggap ka na naman ng doblengpagpapala dahil may isang nagpadala sa iyo na iniisip na espesyal kangnilalang, at mas pinagpala ka kaysa sa dalawang bilyong mga tao sa buongmundo na hindi marunong magbasa.

Pagpalain ang araw mo, bilangin mo ang iyong mga pagpapala, at kung ibig mo,pagpalain mo rin ang mga tao sa iyong paligid upang malaman din nila kunggaano sila pinagpala ng Panginoon.

ATTN: Acknowledgement Department: "Salamat PoPanginoon!!! Salamat Po sapagbibigay mo sa akin ng abilidad na ibahagi ang mensaheng ito at sapagbibigay mo sa akin ng maraming mabubuti at magagandang tao na babahaginannito!"

My First Poem to my Wife when she was my Angel

2008-01-28T17:02:00.000+08:00

FOR MY ANGEL...

For my angel whom I known just recently
But I found differently,
Among the people I met,
She belongs to the group of the best!

For my Angel who is my friend,
To me I'm her BE$+ 'til the end.
For I know that their kind still exist,
For many years I find the least.

For my Angel who is special to me,
Who brings me back the way I used to be.
For others I maybe the corniest person,
But knowing it makes my heart bloom.

For my Angel who I love today,
And my future is on come what may.
For I am happy to know,
That sometime, somewhere Angels still glow!

For my Angel, all I want to tell,
Is that I am always here when you need me, just yell!
I'm a friend, a brother or just an ordinary man to you,
But for me, I really mean it whenever I say...

WALA LANG!!!

neg 100203

The Girls of my Life

2008-01-28T16:38:00.000+08:00

Cla po ang girls ng buhay ko na Mahal na mahal ko, ang aking mag-ina. C Joy at c Chloe Marieflor. I LOVE YOU MA! I LOVE YOU CHLOE! Magpapakabait ka, 'wag kang pasaway ha para hindi mahirapan sa iyo c mommy! Mwahhhhhhhhhhhh! ö